Lately maybe because I am closer to getting my period, I am a lot more jittery and emotional – probably a bit of anger in there too from reacting to things that I don’t like or when I get nervous.
Sometimes I like to do these oracle cards from Starseed Oracle Cards because it reveals certain things that help me to make sense of my experience. Every time I do these they are so accurate and serve as a guiding spirit to my troubles.
The ones I got today were especially relevant. I don’t really know how it can be so accurate. Card one (left) reminds me to work through my past to deal with the thing of which anger is showing me my feelings towards it, perhaps eventually being able to treat it with more compassion and acceptance in order to soften up a bit towards it. I definitely have a barrier that I am trying to work through.
I also have been talking to a coach that helps to deal with these issues and she has reminded me not to judge myself for these feelings or mistakes, helping me to move forward. When I think that certainly people can only do the best they can and that it has nothing to do with you…gives perspective but there is also the residual hurt to process through and it serves as an opportunity for growth when moving past it. Greeting whatever happens with compassion does help to extinguish it, giving more compassion and gratitude helps to recenter me back into the present and I feel better.
This is a challenge that I am working through. When someone doesn’t or isn’t ready to change but they are also making your life hard, reminding you of the thing you’re trying to get away from. Distancing myself does help a lot…and I am conflicted because I am also cutting it out…I feel like that is a bandaid solution. I would like to help them but it takes out too much of my energy. I feel sad and disappointed about this position. I can feel this slight twang in the left side of my chest, apparently the left is your inner child, which uses the right side of the brain.
Looking at this card (right) it’s telling me the solution to this and to take baby steps towards making things better. Listening to my intuition. I feel like it is telling me to choose distance in order for me to heal. When I do it I do feel better and that things are getting better so I can feel this is the right direction. To move away from the things that are causing me pain and to keep doing the things that are making me happy. Intellectually it feels like I am taking the easy way out instead of facing the pain, but what I have realised is that staying to fight the pain brings more pain, you can never win and it wants you to stay and join in. They cannot engage if you leave the ring, which brings about reflection for them or at the very least annoyance that you don’t want to take part in it.
To ignore the pain and think about something better feels like a shallow solution, as though it needs to be deconstructed, examined and studied in order to truly understand it…like a science. But recently I have realised that its more like…energy flows where attention goes. Is that the saying? That things will fall off when you don’t pay attention to it. Simply to just meet the problem by ignoring it, not thinking about it, not paying it any attention and instead focus on the good and the lesson. Of course after sitting with the emotion and feeling it all, the solution part is not to understand it (maybe) but to cancel it out with goodness. Moving it up the emotion ladder. I don’t mean this to be like toxic positivity but more like…practising the good emotions when ready and maybe that is the way to heal.
To accept the situation, what is past and make a conscious decision about what you want for the future and start building that with good emotions. In this case…the next baby step would be acceptance and not judging myself for how it has impacted me and trying to move forward by giving myself the good feels by enjoying what I am doing.
At the moment it still feels strange and awkward to be focusing on doing what I like…so that’s another thing my intuition says, do what you like and the rest will follow. To go back to my childhood of just playing as I like to. A connection to a positive emotion.
Playing is joyous, it is connecting with yourself, it is beautiful and it is intimate, in the moment, fully present and life giving. It is marvellous, it is fun, it is creative and it is freedom.
Listen to that voice inside that craves good things and plentiful playtime. The challenge of growing up is maintaining the element of fun and play, and not let the day to day responsibilities, hurts, grievances and drudgery take full your whole day, but just part of it. Just enough to get you by, or the times you are unprepared for the full sweep of a new problem or an old reminder of a problem to come up try to take away your focus on the real reason why you’re here, to play and be inspired, to live joyously and with grace. How wonderful it would be to return to the playful self everyday, for most of the day (if possible!) and all of the day on the best of days.
Let us (really I am telling myself) move through the emotions from anxiety and worry to acceptance and peace to forgiveness to gratitude and joy then love and self actualisation. Cheering for you and sending love while you’re on the journey everyday moving through the motions. At the moment it might be up and down up with big sweeps in between but eventually as you work through it more it will be more balanced. As I write this letter to myself I hope that those who read this may feel solace in sharing this common human experience and those who may not, feel a greater understanding for those who do.