I was browsing instagram, as I so often do (trying to cut back honestly!) which has it’s good and bad. Was bad these past few weeks because a few months ago I started following all these accounts about healing and psychology, which I learnt a lot about but now I discovered books and courses and that has been a game changer for me so far. Now these accounts that tell you what to do and teaching healing stuff sort of added to the stress for me because it was focusing on what was not working in myself, things that are wrong with me and how far off being ‘normal’ I was. When I paint and draw and do things I like that has worked out way better for me but the interesting thing is I always feel like I need to ‘fix’ things and it’s no time for play while this urgent ‘problem’ was in my life, seemingly preventing me from doing things and going about my life enjoyably. Really it’s not logical.
So yesterday I opened my ‘following’ list on instagram and started unfollowing a lot of people. All of a sudden actual people accounts started showing up. Which was like I was back to reality. Instagram had always shown me similar posts which were about healing and spirituality stuff, very similar and its so interesting that it kind of reflects how the universe works as well. When I would engage or linger on something negative, or things I had to fix, telling me what was wrong, I would be shown more of that stuff. If I ignored it it would show me something else. The algorithm is like what happens in reality, which shows how not good it is to pay attention to stuff that you don’t want to repeat. Like ignore your problem and it will go away! I am learning this slowly.
I don’t like instagram, but I use it almost like google or news. I discover new things on it and new inspiration served to me with stories. Like a magazine in a way, but one that’s worse for mental health. I don’t like that the content is shorter in format, that there’s no variation in consumption, the next image is served, you scroll and again the next thing. It feels like driving on a highway and you get the next sign and then the next repetitively and it sort of drums into you. There’s no depth. It wastes a lot of time, but also because it takes a while before something worthwhile comes up and you feel satisfied with something. An hour on instagram could be the first line in a book. A digital detox of a week also gave me so much happiness. I’m fighting the urge.
Now I’m trying to focus more on stuff that’s an insight into someone’s life or process. That’s interesting. It is rare as well because though I would like to try to capture what I do day to day, it’s not natural for me to film myself, edit it and post it…and have it actually real life. Because I need to pick parts of it and that in itself is editing out real life to present as a story.
So long story short. I was on instagram and I came across these handmade watercolours which I thought was so cute. In these tiny ceramic pots. I wish I could have something like that. I am thinking to create a painting workshop, a regular one where we can draw and paint together often as a practice. For mindfulness and creativity as well as social connection. And perhaps people could order these kits monthly or weekly or whichever and we could all experiment with them. Sounds cool right?
Still a work in progress. For the first one I am thinking of doing an illustrated gratitude journalling one where we illustrate things we are grateful for, as part of the daily practice. Normally I use Tombow brush markers but you can use whatever you have on hand or prefer to use.
I also just quit my job and tried to focus more on art, which has been SO incredibly stressful and pressuring because I’m trying to force things rather than letting it be what it wants to be. The challenge has been to start trusting and courageous to move ahead one step at a time until I find a rhythm and to find things that work as well as grow in the direction I want to head into. I’m also single and trying to date, so when the guys are not promising that’s another layer of stress. It’s a lot for me this month. I’m battling negative thinking constantly and trying to break the trance to get out of my head and into life. Easily agitated and annoyed, constantly overthinking and this looming sensation that really all I’d like to do is to lie down in a park and read all day and be sustained by it. Anyone care to join me?
Read: Show your work by Austin Kleon
Favourite homemade meal: Sushi
Travel: Blue Mountains with Le cousins
Pet peeve: negative thinking cloud
Grateful for: supportive family (Asian style so might not be by way of encouragement but certainly care)